Heal Me, I’m Love-Sick!

I once heard a tremendous Chiddush from my brother Yitzchak. It was a beautiful Friday night, in the fall of last year, when he spoke to me without telling me a thing. Yet, what came out of his mouth said everything….

In the song Yedid Nefesh, we say the following:

הדור נאה זיו העולם‎
נפשי חולת אהבתך‎
אנא אל נא רפא נא לה‎
בהראות לה נעם זיוך‎
אז תתחזק ותתרפא‎
והיתה לה שמחת עולם

I never thought about what these words mean until I heard my brother soulfully sing this song. When a person sings this song, he is really calling out to his Creator with his heart and soul. I saw my brother singing a prayer that night. With his face shining, and tears in my eyes, I understood the songs to be conveying the following poem of a song. We say:

“Hashem, you are majestic, you are beautiful, you light up the entire world!
My Beloved, Hashem, my soul is sick – I am so enamored with you that I have fallen ill with my pining, my longing, my deep love for You.
Hashem! My dearest Lord, please heal my soul! “

At this point, a question came up in my mind. How can I tell Hashem that I – my very soul – trembles with the deepest love for Him, and immediately after saying so, request that He heal me?! Am I asking my Master to remove the love of Him from my heart?

It cannot be so. Rather, the answer to the question is in the continuation of the song, explaining how I want my soul to be healed:

“Hashem, I want You to heal me by revealing to me the Hidden Light. Do not hide Your Presence from me! I can only see but a shadow of a hint of the light of Your Glory. I can’t take it! It is so hard for me to know You are so close, but to see so little of Your revelation!
Only then, once I am fully enveloped by and filled with Your Light, will my soul’s aching heart truly be healed.
Only then will I revel in eternal joy. Only when I am tied up with you, inseparable from You and Your Glory, will I ever feel truly satisfied.”





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